


Late Night Heartbreak

by tini_dancer



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Friendship, LGBTQ Themes, Late Night Conversations, M/M, Sadness, post 3x17
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-09
Updated: 2019-04-09
Packaged: 2020-01-07 06:46:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18405296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tini_dancer/pseuds/tini_dancer
Summary: “All I’ve ever wanted is for you to be happy…”“Well I’m not!”He knew he was drunk. But sometimes the hard truth comes out when you are drunk off of your ass. Magnus wasn’t happy. He was nowhere near it. He was in a deep, dark depressive state and Alec had no idea what to do. He knew what it’s like to have depression, there were multiple times throughout his teenage years that he would have rather been dead than keeping his big secret, but what Magnus was going through was so much different. Alec tried so hard to comprehend it, but he simply couldn’t.*post-3x17





	Late Night Heartbreak

**Author's Note:**

> I've been sad all night so here this is. Also Heline is my life and they deserve happiness.

It was well into the early morning. Magnus was sleeping peacefully in Alec’s bed, wearing one of Alec’s tank tops and snuggling into the pillows. Somehow he was easy to put to bed when drunk, but he was so drained that perhaps all he could do besides cry was sleep. He knew he was going to have a hard time remembering the events of that evening the next day, but in that moment, at almost 10 at night, surrounded by the comforting smell of Alec’s bedding, found peace for the night.

But Alec didn’t.

It must have been almost 4am. The whole Institute was asleep, not including a small group of people on overnight patrol. Alec was in the greenhouse of all places, finding it extremely hard to go back to his office and did not want to possibly be seen by anyone who might have been in the OP-center. He rarely went to the greenhouse, but at the time it felt like his only escape from the miserable night he had.

_ “All I’ve ever wanted is for you to be happy…” _

_ “Well I’m not!” _

He knew he was drunk. But sometimes the hard truth comes out when you are drunk off of your ass. Magnus wasn’t happy. He was nowhere near it. He was in a deep, dark depressive state and Alec had no idea what to do. He knew what it’s like to have depression, there were multiple times throughout his teenage years that he would have rather been dead than keeping his big secret, but what Magnus was going through was so much different. Alec tried so hard to comprehend it, but he simply couldn’t. 

Magnus was centuries old, was raised by a shameful mother and an abusive stepfather in a Dutch-controlled Indonesia. He was orphaned at a young age and was living on the streets of Batavia. Then Asmodeus, Magnus’s birth father and Prince of Hell, took Magnus and raised him to be dark and evil, something Magnus learned was wrong and got out of this situation. He lavished in relationships, treasures, and adventure for centuries, had his heart shattered by that cold hearted bitch Camille, and became secluded. Then it seemed like he was happy and in love again once Alec started dating him. But one relationship doesn’t make centuries of misery any better. And then Magnus lost his magic and everything went to shambles. And Alec felt so lost that he no longer knew his place in the story of Magnus’s life.

_ “Magnus, I love you, and I just want to help.” _

_ “I know you do, but you can’t.” _

Alec knew he couldn’t do anything. He couldn’t do anything to actually help Magnus. All he could do was hold him while he cried and help put him to bed. But in the end, Alec was only a Shadowhunter. He didn’t have powers or any special abilities. Sure, he may have been a good leader, but even a Mundane can lead like any Shadowhunter could. He had a group of stuck up conservatives rolling their eyes at his orders, but still doing them because they had to. Alec wasn’t at the “top of his game”, as Magnus put it. The only times he was at the “top of his game” was when he was with Magnus. Happy and in love, no problems to break them apart. 

Yet here they were.

_ “Alec stop!” _

_ “Please, listen to me.” _

_ “Alec, STOP!” _

_ “Just let me be here with you!” _

Alec leaned his head back, his cheeks brushing up against a few flowers. They were white and soft, but Alec was no botany specialist and had no idea what they were. He squeezes his eyes tight, doing his best to hold back the tears. He had already lost it once at around 1am, and he didn’t stop for almost an hour. He really didn’t want to break down again.

He could almost feel Magnus in his arms again, crying and screaming, pounding at his shoulders. He could feel him melt into his arms, giving up the fight and just letting it all go. He remembered looking at the closed platter on the table near them that held the ring Alec was going to propose to him with. Thinking back on it, Alec realized how stupid of an idea it was to ask Magnus to marry him. It really wasn’t the right time in either of their separate lives, and apparently their relationship wasn’t ready for it either. 

“I’m so stupid…” Alec whispered to himself, rubbing his hands over his eyes and sitting up a little. He was getting tired, but so much was going through his head that he couldn’t sleep. He also did not want to be anywhere near Magnus at the moment: he almost feared it.

“Alec?” A voice called out. Alec looked over to see Aline, surprisingly, walk into the greenhouse. He wiped his eyes clean of any tears.

“Aline,” he said and sniffled, “What are you doing back? I thought you were going to stay in Alicante while Aldertree was being convicted.”

“I could use a little time away from there,” Aline admitted, taking a seat next to Alec on the bench he was sitting on, “besides, the bastard that killed my cousin is going to be disconnected from Clary soon, and I want to be the one to take him to the Guard. Now, the real question is, what are you doing awake at 4 in the morning in the Institute greenhouse?”

Alec sighed heavily and looked down to the ground, clenching his hands together, “I just need to clear my head. I have not had the best night.”

“What happened?”

“It’s not anything that concerns you,” Alec said, trying to brush it off, “You wouldn’t want to hear about it.”

Aline placed a hand on Alec’s arm, “You know we understand each other more than you think. Maybe I’ll understand this.”

Alec chewed on his bottom lip and looked over to her, “Magnus lost his magic a few weeks ago. And he even found a temporary ‘solution’ and borrowed another warlock’s magic to replace his own, but it was slowly killing him. He feels worthless without it, and I can’t do anything to help him. I’ve tried, and tried, and tried again, but nothing seems to be working. I think that, with all that has happened to him not only during these past few weeks, but also his entire life, I’m no longer the right one for him.”

Aline was quiet. She really only had heard about Alec’s relationship with Magnus Bane through rumors, though when she told Alec she was also gay, he talked about him for a few minutes. Magnus seemed like a humble, selfless person from how Alec had described him, but cold and selfish from the perspective of the Clave. The majority of the people she knew did not approve of their relationship, but she never got to hear the good parts of it. She wishes she would have.

“Look, I’m sorry,” Alec shook his head, “I shouldn’t have said anything. I’m just caught up in my feelings, I guess.”

“No,” Aline said, “you aren’t. Just from the way you described your situation, I can tell that you love him so much, maybe even more than yourself. That’s a love that could last an eternity.”

“But he isn’t happy. He isn’t okay. And part of it is my fault for being too selfish in wanting him to stay with me and practically forcing him to relinquish the magic the other warlock gave him. I’m also responsible.”

“He’s a warlock, Alec. You’re a Shadowhunter. Two completely different beings with different backgrounds and lifestyles. You are just now learning to lead with your heart, and that can be really rough,” Aline picked at her nails, remembering a past failed relationship.

“Seems like you speak from experience,” Alec said.

“Carolyn Bellechild,” Aline explained, “I thought it was love. Because of her, I began to consider the morality behind the missions I was going on. There was one I completely stepped back on because I found it completely unjust. But then she broke up with me because she was scared we would get caught. And it broke me. I haven’t been in a relationship since.”

“She doesn’t know who she let go of,” Alec smiled at Aline, and they both laughed a little.

“My point is that you need to do what is best for yourself. Whether that be being by Magnus’s side every step of the way or giving him some space for not only him, but for you to heal as well. You need to think deeply about this.”

Alec nodded as a single dear dripped down his face, “I love him more than I do anyone else in the universe. All I want is for him to live his very best, full, happy life, no matter how that may be.”

Aline nodded and gave him a small smile, “Magnus has no idea how lucky he is to have you in his life.”

Alec let out a laugh and grinned at Aline, “Thank you, Aline. So much. And someday, I know you’ll find the perfect woman to hold you and take care of you.”

“Let’s hope that’s true,” Aline couldn’t help but think of the beautiful Shadowhunter-Seelie hybrid she had met that day in Alicante. Helen was her name.

“Thanks for letting me rant to you,” Alec said while standing up, “I think I should get at least a few hours of sleep. I have a feeling I’m going to have a lot of work to do tomorrow that I’ll need to be spry for.”

Aline stood up too, “Yeah, I should get to bed, too. There’s still an empty room for me, right?”

“There’s always room for you here, Aline. I think I’m going to stay in a guest room not far from you tonight. I still don’t really want to face Magnus first thing tomorrow. Not after last night.”

“These things take time,” Aline reassured him, “Just let mother nature do her thing and things should turn out alright.”

Alec nodded as they exited the greenhouse and went inside the Institute. He walked Aline to her room, then put himself in one only a few doors down from her’s. He took off his shoes, shirt, and pants and climbed into the cold bed. He could tell it hadn’t been used in a while. He wormed his head into the pillows, doing his very best to find comfort. But it was tough to not have Magnus there with him to give him the comfort he needed. He couldn’t get his mind off of Magnus. But then he recalled his and Aline’s conversation over and over, trying to feel any positivity. He then thought back to his and Magnus’s first meeting. How dorky Alec was, and how flirty Magnus was. How innocent they were. Alec found comfort in the thought of Magnus’s smile and closed his eyes, finally able to get some sleep.


End file.
